*This post brought to you by too much afternoon caffeine and the fact that my kids now play together!
Together!!
Oh heel clicking huzzah and doves flying, how I've been waiting for this day!! 2 hours of them scrambling on the floor with minimal oversight from momma.
Fist pump fist pump!*
Lately I've been feeling quite overwhelmed.
Can I get a hell yes? I know I'm not the only one!
I blame the changing seasons, it tends to make one reexamine things, whether I want to or not.
I feel like there are all these holes. I run around trying to cover up one, and another appears. Or I finally spend a good chunk of time on something, and before I know it other areas are crumbling. See what I'm saying?
The only thing I can think to do is whittle down the to-do list. (Not to be confused with the
want to-do list.) I have to narrow down the field.
But.I.Just.Can't.Do.It.
All of these things on the list are important, nothing can be axed or deleted. So how do I get it all done? How do I balance wants with needs? How??
This isn't a new question. We're all juggling and juggling, trying to make it all work.
I had an answer come to me yesterday. I was driving home from running errands. Rowen was home with Ricky, and Maeve was my errands partner in crime, bopping her head and jamming away in the back seat to some random local KBOO song. Once a babe that was a LOUD hysterical mess in the car, she is now my road warrior. Our cruise director of late.
Anywhoo.......I've noticed, since moving to Portland, that driving around and admiring all the gorgeous scenery helps put together pieces for me. Questions are answered. I've heard of walking meditations, or labyrinths......but driving meditations? Really?!
The trees, water, bridges, mountains.......Portland has so much eye candy.
To say it's inspiring doesn't begin to describe it.
Several years ago I watched Sex and the City. Re-runs that is. (Don't rag on me about it. I like that show, what can I say.......)
There was a line about Carrie's love affair with NY. She would often go out on "date's," just her and the city.
Living in Portland, I totally get that. I feel like a huge dork for saying that, but it's true. Driving around, just
being in Portland, I feel better. Like I spent an afternoon with an old friend that gets me. It calms me. Gives me advice.
Resets my soul when I need it most.
And don't get me started on the rest of Oregon! Waterfalls, mountains, BEACHES. It takes my Portland zen to a whole other Tibetan mountain top meditative level.
Am I rambling yet?
Coffee break!
:::sip:::
:::sip:::
:::sip:::
So what answer did Portland give me yesterday?
"Dear Erin: Stop worrying about juggling, balancing. No no, seriously this time. Hear me, Erin? STOP it! Go on, stop it!"
So I did.
For once in a very long time, I stopped my brain. I shut 'er down.
(Of course I paid attention to driving, no worries!)
I let the road offer me a meditation instead:
"going going going going"
The water of the river:
"cleansing cleansing cleansing cleaning"
The tree's offered one as well:
"reaching reaching reaching reaching"
........as well as:
"rooted rooted rooted rooted."
And thus, a new game plan for my Fall was born:
"Reaching reaching reaching reaching"
......beyond my comfort zone to what I want to be doing, not what I should be doing.
Those pesky should's cloud up our heart and intentions sometimes.
"Rooted rooted rooted rooted"
What a fine teacher tree's are. Always encouraging us to open wide, reach for more, with our feet firmly planted on the ground and routed to the Earth. I need to reconnect with my inner wisdom. With the Earth. Nothing is more freeing and healing. I feel pulled to many paths that have to do with innate wisdom. Will they become careers? Hobbies? Or simply,
for me?
"Going going going going"
.......forward with my life. I need to let go of a lot. There are still so many painful shards of the last decade of my life stabbing me in my heart. I need to remove them, make peace with the experiences these years have offered me, for they have made me who I am today. (Stop rolling your eyes! Just listen.....)
I root myself in the present, and these roots are growing for my children. Myself. And of course, my other and better half, Ricky. He's kept me together, and kept me going. Now we all embark on a new, strong life, together.
"Cleansing cleansing cleansing cleaning"
........my body and my mind. I haven't done a true and proper cleanse since 2005. I have a lot of emotional baggage stored in my body (yes, emotions store in your spine, muscles, and organs. These can turn into very icky things if not dealt with!), as well as surgery, present illnesses and a host of other issues that my body needs to purge.
I strongly feel like things in my life aren't going to move forward until my body and mind are healthy. And as long as they're toxic things aren't going to progress!
I can feel new adventures waiting for me out there. They're about ready to knock down my damn door, so it's time to GET READY!
Another important meditation the trip offered me?
Upon returning home to my family, greeted at the door by my two favorite men.
I felt "Thankful thankful thankful thankful."
Stop worrying about these holes, these "things" I'm building that fall down sometimes. And be thankful for what I -do- have.
(No it's not Thanksgiving yet, but check this out.)
What I -do- get accomplished every day.
Sometimes I forget about all the
good I'm doing. Things that aren't on some list.
I didn't make some fancy dinner. Much less on time. But I -did- spend an uninterrupted hour in the afternoon reading to Maeve and Rowen. Sandwiches for dinner it is.
Maybe you didn't get to spend the quality time you wanted to with the kids, but you did something for yourself. -You- got to decompress so that when you spend all day with the kids tomorrow you are fully present and can give all of your heart, happily, without things weighing on your mind.
Did you work on a project? Alone, or maybe with your partner?
Or did you work on a project with the children? Teaching and learning from each other?
Maybe you helped a neighbor. Or friend.
Maybe you canned a slew of tomatoes you worked so hard on preparing for harvest.
Or spend some time thumbing through a book or flipping through a magazine instead of scratching something off your list.
You put on band aids.
Picked up/dropped off.
Boiled, mashed, chopped.
Dressed.
Bathed.
Wrote.
Called.
Consoled.
Walked.
Taught.
Listened.
Make sure you remember all the things you do that aren't on some list, but are equally important!
Maybe you're a little more together then you realized?
